[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] [fusion_dropcap color="" text_color="" boxed="no" boxed_radius="" class="" id=""]W[/fusion_dropcap]ith the Covid 2019 pandemic, mental health and social issues are on the rise. It is, indeed, understandable, if not inevitable for us to feel overwhelmed, anxious and even depressed at times. With each of us going through our own individual obstacles and challenges, apart from dealing with an international crisis, Dr.Mariya is back to answer some of your questions surrounding mental health and social crisis. You can read her previous contribution here . [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 1- My partner is severely depressed and has adopted many unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result of it, but he still refuses to seek help. How can I help someone that is struggling with mental illness without compromising my own well-being? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]This is a tough situation that you are in and it would be helpful for your partner to get an opinion of a psychologist or psychiatrist. We care about our partners and want the best for them. However, our mental well-being is our own responsibility. It seems like you have tried to help your partner but he/she is refusing. You can also pray for your partner to seek the necessary attention, praying for someone else is one of the highest forms of compassion. Getting help means being open to change and change can be scary. Most of us live with known fears and demons even if they are unpleasant. Familiarity has become safe. Your partner might also unconsciously feel that they get treated differently from when they are not depressed, for instance people fussing over him, caring, making special food etc – equating to love. All you can do is let your partner know that you care and keep encouraging him to seek assistance from a doctor, psychologist or a healer but you cannot take the responsibility for fixing your partner. Even psychologists, therapists and healers can assist or guide you but it is up to the person to put the work in to heal. Some of the main reasons why we get depressed is that we are often too critical of ourselves. We talk to ourselves harshly, such as “I am stupid”, “I am too fat”, “I will never succeed” and so on. If one of our friends or relatives kept saying “You are stupid”, “You will never succeed”, and so on we would get upset with them and would try and avoid them, or some of us would stand up to them. However, we cannot escape or avoid our own voice constantly talking unkindly. Instead of the negative talk if we said things like a caring friend or relative would, our bodies will start to feel the difference. Another reason why we get depressed is that we are not interacting with friends and family that much anymore. If we are stuck in a loop of negative self-talk we don’t want to mingle with people. We spend most of our time at work and usually staring at screens. Face to face interactions are essential, as we are human. Research shows that people who meet regular community groups, family or friends are happier. So, one of the ways that you can help your partner by trying to arrange get-togethers with friends so that he/she can have face to face human contact. Doing what you are passionate about is something we usually give up for financial reasons. For example, you might want to run your own café because you love cooking and want to share this with the community, but you cannot quit your job as an accountant because you are the sole breadwinner in the house. Thinking outside of the box would help in these situations. Maybe, you can start creating dishes and share them on various social media platforms, or make an arrangement with a café owner and supply them with one dish a week. This way you are doing something you are passionate about as well as your job. You never know what the world has in store for you. We live for other people’s expectations. However, if we start living our passions, sharing our lives with family, friends and a community, and be self compassionate, we can learn to be content with our lives.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 2- I am currently expecting my first child and I have been reflecting on my upbringing and the relationship I have with my own mother. She had a very difficult childhood and as a result, she does not have a healthy relationship with my grandmother. While I accept that my mother did her best to raise me under the circumstances, I don’t have a good relationship with my mother either. I am scared that I will somehow end up continuing this cycle with my child. How do I break this cycle of generational abuse and ensure this does not happen? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]Self-awareness is the most important part and you have already identified the pattern. These patterns are passed down from generations and it seems like you are seeking to stop this cycle with you. You can! Mothers are usually the primary caregiver in many countries and we rely on them to provide us with love, care and protection. During the first three years of our life, we observe how sensitive and attuned our mothers are to our physical and emotional needs, how she attends to our survival needs, and how available she was for us when we needed her. The infant knows that the mother is a secure base for the infant to explore the world. How this caregiving happens is how we learn if we are loveable or worthy of love , if people are available for me, if they would protect me, and finally our own behaviour and others. So, we begin to manage our behaviours around the expectations we have about others and ourselves through our interactions with our primary caregiver. As we grow and become adults these expectations influence how others relate to us. Emotional attachments continue throughout our lifetime and change a little but largely these patterns are resistant to change. When our relationship with the primary caregiver in our life is not pleasant, we develop not only emotional struggles but also our physical health suffers. It will be key to seek a coach or a therapist to start working through some of your early attachment with your mother so that you become more self-aware. From neuroscience we know that face-toface interactions with our mother have a powerful effect on the physical development of the brain and is fundamental for long-term regulation of the emotional brain and the autonomic nervous system. We now know that brain plasticity – the ability to heal and change – can help you change these internalised patterns. Various “loving yourself meditations” can help but in the long run working with a coach, healer or a therapist will be more beneficial.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 3- I have recently developed a habit of obsessive and overzealous cleaning. I become extremely anxious if my apartment is not clean enough and I struggle to maintain my composure if I am in a public setting as I do not know how clean those places are and I begin to feel sick to my stomach. Is this normal? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] It sounds like this obsessive cleaning is affecting your life and you should seek guidance from the therapist. They will be able to help you navigate through this. The lockdown and the uncertainty created by COVID 19 have pushed people’s buried traumas to the surface. Those that were never obsessively checking if their hands are clean have started because this could have released a trauma that they have disassociated from. If you see this as a positive sign that these are coming up to be healed, then it will give you some relief. Usually, repetitive thoughts and behaviours might have given you relief or a distraction from a circumstance that is making you feel unsafe or a situation that is out of your control. Any behaviour that we engage in, like cleaning, serves a purpose and with the help of a therapist you can trace back the origin and find a way to heal. There are many therapists that are working online. Additionally, if you need assistance you can send an email to Ka-Leo and they will put you in touch with me. I can guide you to a therapist. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 4- I grew up in a very competitive household with a lot of overachieving siblings and I think that it had a detrimental effect on my own sense of worth. I always compare myself to other people and I never feel that I am enough for myself or the people around me, as I feel that I can always be replaced with someone better. How do I stop myself from feeling like this? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Before I start answering your question I would like to say that you are enough and you are worthy . There is only one of you in this world and you are unique so you cannot be replaced . Our “not feeling enough” comes from our interaction with our primary caregiver(s) during the first three years of our life and we don’t remember them consciously as it is stored in our subconscious mind. Therefore, it involves our autonomic nervous system influencing our feelings and emotions. Educating the conscious mind so reading this column (5%) does not ‘rewire’ or ‘re-write’ your subconscious mind (which consists of 95% - habitual, instincts, experiences, other learning through culture, family etc). In other words just learning or becoming more self aware of your limiting beliefs, is not enough. You may be able to respond to a challenging situation with a different external response, however your body biologically will still have a stress / anger reaction internally. Your subconscious beliefs act as blueprint instructions that determine your choices and your body’s biological reaction. Changing your beliefs on a subconscious level is the most effective way to change your experiences. Dr Bruce Lipton, a stem cell biologist, explains that one of the methods to reprogram our subconscious is through repetition and the other is through methods that heal the inner trauma. Earl Nightingale, a motivational speaker and a radio presenter, also shared this view, “ Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion, will one day become a reality. ” So to start off with, a journaling exercise called the 11/11 process by Melanie Tonia Evans would be helpful. In order to practise this exercise, you write a statement 11 times and for 11 days without taking any breaks. It might take about 30 minutes to complete so set aside the time so that you won't be distracted. You write this statement - “ I unconditionally love and accept myself ” and underneath the statement writing out what comes to your mind and it is very important not to judge. Once you have done the process you will notice subtle changes in you and maybe even people around you. I still use this process whenever I get stuck with negative beliefs, and I have achieved astounding results. 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link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 5- My mother is very pessimistic and talks about dying often. I usually ignore her but due to the current pandemic, I know that they are in very real danger and it causes me a lot of anxiety when she continues to talk as if she is dying. One of my friends recently lost her father quite suddenly and I have been feeling more anxious about my parents’ health and wellbeing since. How do I stop my mother’s comments from affecting my anxiety? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] The pandemic has amplified our anxieties and many of us have a fear of dying. Additionally, it is normal that we fear our parents might pass away because we are never ready for our parents to die. It might be helpful if your mother would talk to a therapist or a coach, or yourself to explore with her what she most fears about death and to explore ways to find calmness from these negative thoughts. As for yourself, it is important to start off the day and before bedtime doing meditations online that are designed to relieve anxiety. If you don’t meditate, usually a guided meditation can get you started. Additionally, regular exercise and a healthy diet with pre and probiotics are very important, as our gut microbiome is crucial for us to have healthy levels of stress. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 6- I have recently started working at a new office and my supervisor was initially very kind and put extra effort into teaching me and helping me adjust. However, things quickly turned for the worse. She has been extremely stressed out and overwhelmed with her workload recently, and I feel like she has been venting all her frustrations out on me even when I have done things exactly as asked. She would get upset with me for days on end and then suddenly treat me really well and give me gifts, only for this cycle to keep repeating over and over again. I have been in an emotionally manipulative relationship in the past and I have started to recognize these patterns with my supervisor as well. I have tried to communicate with her but she is unwilling to listen and turns it around on me by saying that she “depends on me” or that she “needed me” and that I “let her down”. I have been losing confidence in my work and this has been causing me a great deal of anxiety. How do I stop myself from getting so affected by her words? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] This is a very toxic relationship and your supervisor sounds manipulative. There is almost love bombing-like behaviour to get you to let your guard down and trust her “ initially very kind and put extra effort into teaching me and helping me adjust ”. The next phase of these relationships is the devaluing stages when you cannot do anything right “ she has been venting all her frustrations out on me even when I have done things exactly as asked ”. Then there is being upset and potentially isolating you “ She would get upset with me for days on end ”, followed by what is called “hoovering” “ then suddenly treats me really well and gives me gifts ”. When you try to talk to her, she knows that she has got you hooked into the cycle of abuse. Manipulative toxic people do not listen to others. They are too entitled, and believe that they are right and others are in the wrong. She is also blaming you for the things that she is doing “ turns it around on me by saying that she “depends on me” or that she “needed me” and that I “let her down”. ” It will be best to find another job and get out of this one before your health starts deteriorating. This cycle that they put people through gets you into a place where you feel trapped and you feel that you cannot get out due to guilt and your fear of letting other people down. Toxic bosses are very dangerous so you have to plan your exit from your job carefully. People can take advantage of us if we are unable to put boundaries. What I mean here is when we cannot say “no” or not standing up to bad behaviour and saying that is unacceptable. Toxic and manipulative people come into our lives to shine a light on our hidden negative beliefs we hold about ourselves. I would advise you to work with a coach on how to get out of this job safely and not to get into another job where you have a similar boss or a colleague. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 7- I feel like I have recently started working all the time to distract myself from my own thoughts. I know that being productive and working is not necessarily a bad thing, but at what point should I be concerned? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] I feel for you to ask this question there is a slight concern that has come up inside you. We use distractions when our thoughts or our reality is too hard. Working obviously gives us success and maybe financial rewards that might become quite intoxicating, especially if you are using this as a way to distract. If you consistently distract and never address the real issue it will catch up with you sooner or later. This might come as a physical health issue that you might not think is related, and doctors would only treat the symptoms of the manifesting disease. Research has shown that childhood trauma upsets the balance in your hormonal and autonomic nervous system, which can influence cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, autoimmune diseases such as arthritis etc So, I would highly recommend you seek the guidance of a coach or a therapist. Many are working online and so there are therapists working around the world and some are providing service for reduced fees. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 8- I have struggled with anxiety and depression in the past, but my family is not aware of it. As the head of the household, I feel immense pressure to provide for my family and children and make them feel secure even during these uncertain times. As a man in our society, it is hard or nearly impossible to open up and talk about my feelings without them being deemed as weaknesses. Do you have any advice? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Most men in our society are unfortunately socialised into not showing emotions or feelings as people have a belief that this is a weakness. However, men and women are born with emotions and feelings. Dr Jill Bolte Taylor shares in her book “ Stroke of Insight ”, “ Although many of us think of ourselves as thinking creatures that can feel, biologically we are feeling creatures that can think. ” So, when we hold emotional pain in our bodies they manifest into physical pain or other physical ailments. We see vulnerability as weakness but if you take an example, telling your wife/girlfriend “I love you” for the first time, is being vulnerable because you don’t know whether she will say it back, but you built up the courage to say it. Just think of scenarios where you had to be courageous in your life, it involves being vulnerable. Dr Brené Brown shares that being vulnerable is not a weakness, in fact it shows strength, courage and compassion. This image from Pintrest shows that we all have a multitude of feelings with no discrimination between men and women. [/fusion_text][fusion_imageframe image_id="1133|full" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="center" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" lightbox_image_id="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/feelings-wheel.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Feelings are felt in the body, so we know there is a clear mind and body connection. For instance take a look at these questions and think of a positive experience you have had and observe your body: Is your heart racing with excitement? Do you feel empowered? Do you feel a surge of energy? Now think of a negative experience and observe your body: Is your chest tight? Do you have a lump in your throat? Do you have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? It is very important that you talk to someone about how you are feeling, if not your wife perhaps talk to a coach or a therapist online. It is only through feeling the hard feelings we heal from stress, anxiety and depression. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 9- How do you deal with the loss of someone suddenly to a free diving accident when you were 1000’s of miles apart at the time? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] It’s hard to feel it’s real when there has not been a funeral. My heartfelt condolences. Losing a loved one is difficult, but suddenly and when you are so far makes it so much harder to come to terms with what has happened. Everyone grieves in his or her own way. It might be helpful to talk to people who knew your loved one because they share the same loss. Some people journal, some paint, some play music. Do whatever brings you comfort. Have someone who you are close to with you to take care of you. There is no easy answer. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Have a question for Dr. Mariya? Thank you for all the responses and questions from our local and international readers! send your questions anonymously using the box below, and Dr. Mariya will answer them in the next post. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][contact-form-7 id="869" /][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] [fusion_dropcap color="" text_color="" boxed="no" boxed_radius="" class="" id=""]W[/fusion_dropcap]ith the Covid 2019 pandemic, mental health and social issues are on the rise. It is, indeed, understandable, if not inevitable for us to feel overwhelmed, anxious and even depressed at times. With each of us going through our own individual obstacles and challenges, apart from dealing with an international crisis, Dr.Mariya is back to answer some of your questions surrounding mental health and social crisis. You can read her first contribution here . [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25px"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 1- How important is it to heal past trauma and how do you recognise childhood trauma in adult life? [/fusion_text][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]The most confirming signs of trauma are poor health (both physical and mental), and/or toxic relationships. Heart disease, hypertension, type II diabetes, obesity, and autoimmune diseases such as arthritis and can all be traced back to trauma. Trauma affects our central nervous system and human behaviour, and research proves that it can change the brain’s physiology and structure. In fact, it is a common misconception to believe that babies do not remember. Trauma experienced during the first year of life is the most damaging as it can alter our DNA. The good news is, that many of these damages can be healed with various healing modalities. The choice to heal, however, lies solely with you. It is hard when you start and it can get a bit confusing and messy in the transition, but it is worth it. It will completely transform your life, and you will begin to live in a constant state of joy even when difficult situations arise. You will have this innate feeling that no matter what happens, God/higher power/ universe has got your back. However, if you decide to not go through this process, the trauma can instead catch up to you and take a toll on your health.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25px"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 2- Could a childhood spent in a dysfunctional family and emotionally unavailable parents, lead to troubled relationships in adulthood? [/fusion_text][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Not necessarily! Children are very resilient and can grow up to find people who are compatible; where both partners want to emotionally grow in the relationship and help each other heal. Positive relationships are the most healing because “humans are hardwired to connect” (Dr Brenè Brown). However, because emotional availability and physical nurturing of children are a necessity for optimal brain development, children in these families can suffer and become either “clingy” and resistant (become people pleasers), or dismissing (avoiding closeness even if they crave closeness). The sad reality is that some parents or caregivers grew up with emotionally unavailable parents themselves. This can leave them without the emotional capacity to provide the security that is necessary for their children to form a healthy bond with them. When there is a lack of consistent emotionally available interaction and connection with parents or a caregiver, children do not learn the nuances of speech patterns, emotional messages attached to conversations, the role of facial expressions which we use to read other people’s intent, our safety and the emotional state of other people. Children instead end up learning that expressing emotions are not safe, and find it extremely hard to express any, and use various methods such as anger, distancing themselves, getting busy, numbing themselves by sleeping, eating, shopping and various other activities. Emotional unavailability is transferred as such from generation to generation, passing down trauma. Hence, we are likely to get into relationships that are unfulfilling and even toxic and/or abusive. For instance, if you had emotionally unavailable parents growing up, you may tolerate toxic behaviours by choosing partners who are already in committed relationships or are married, and believe their false promises that they will eventually leave these relationships for you when the “timing” is right. You are more likely to get swayed by a push-pull dynamic if you have never experienced healthy relationships growing up. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" border_radius_bottom_left="" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 3- How do I know if I am making the right decision if I decide to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of kids, because they are small? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]Staying in a marriage is entirely your decision. However, children want to see happy parents, regardless of whether they are married or separated. I don’t know what you are experiencing when you refer to it as “bad”, but I do understand that what you are going through must be unpleasant. When parents do not get along, children tend to absorb the emotional atmosphere it creates, and they can take responsibility for the failure of their parents’ marriage. Children learn from observations, and what they are seeing from their parents are what they will choose when they grow up. Thus, they will associate love with severely negative connotations, and this will become their norm. This might be what you have even witnessed with your own parents and the cycle will only repeat until you decide to stop and heal. These questions might help you start exploring why you are in this relationship: What is it that I am seeking from my partner that I am not able to give to myself? What is that I am fearful of, loss or rejection? What does “love” mean to me? What do I want for my children? If you decide to stay, you need to have a radical acceptance because you cannot change another person. We can only change ourselves.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 4- My life in the eyes of everyone around me seems perfect. A seemingly perfect husband, perfect kid, we hang out, we travel together a lot, quite the chill couple they say. But I don’t feel myself in this, and I feel guilty telling anyone about it. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t feel right. What do I do in a situation like this? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] It sounds like you are having to suppress who you are in this relationship, and I also sense that you are unable to express how you are feeling with your husband. In addition to this, you are feeling guilty expressing how you feel to your closest friends and family. When we suppress our emotions, feelings, and our own identity, we might be avoiding the fear of being criticised, abandoned, rejected, and/or punished. This is when we hand our power to someone else. When you suppress yourself and your emotions, it impacts your physical health. Our bodies are biologically designed to express emotions and to be ourselves, as there is no one else in the world that is “you”. When you do not feel right, stop, and ask yourself, what are you feeling? Give these emotions a name – are you feeling trapped? Frustrated? Irritated, or hopeless, or maybe helpless, etc. When you feel these emotions come up, what do you do? Once you have identified them, it might be helpful to explore it with a mentor or a life coach. As mentioned earlier, children learn through observation. Parents usually think that if we do not say anything to our children, they will not know. However, they can sense and pick up the pressure of needing to be perfect themselves and with this, they begin to feel a debilitating fear of failure. So, it is important to question your own actions and emotions for your children’s development. Ask yourself this, how different will your life be once you start making these changes in your life. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" type="1_1" first="true" last="true"][fusion_imageframe image_id="972|full" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="none" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" lightbox_image_id="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/PHOTO03-Henshe.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 5- What advice would you give to someone with small kids who has to tolerate her abusive husband, because she has nowhere else to go? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]The welfare and the best interest of the child must be given paramount consideration. Children witnessing abuse is also abuse to them, and the younger they are, the more damaging it would be. In these types of situations, it is important that you contact the child protection services of the country that you live in, to explore your options. Abuse is something no one should tolerate. The definition of tolerate is to “accept behaviour and beliefs that are different from your own, although you might not agree with or approve of them.” By accepting one abusive act, you are opening the doors to more. The abuse, in time, might escalate. Sometimes we believe that we need a man to support us because we have not tapped into our own uniqueness and creativity. What were your dreams for your life before you met your husband? What would it take for you to get in touch with those dreams and ideas again? What does life without abuse look like? Every morning before you get out of bed, visualise, and feel a life without abuse and experience what unfolds for you.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" border_radius_bottom_left="" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 6- Could a person feel an outburst of anger towards a particular person and feel remorse to the same person? Why does this happen? Is it sign of a mental illness? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] First of all, I want to reassure you that it is a normal reaction. I will give you two examples, as I am not clear what kind of person you are referring to here. Say, you had a very stressful day at work, and then you meet a friend for coffee. Something she said really upset you. You felt that it was insensitive, and it added to the stress that you had been feeling at work. You then said something in anger and she got really hurt. Later, you realised that your friend was also going through a tough time, and you feel a deep sense of regret or guilt for getting angry. In a different scenario, you might be in a relationship with someone who can be very charming and nice at times, but then devalue you and act cold other times. Additionally, they might do something, but say that you are the one who did it instead. For example, they might be constantly flirting with people behind your back, but then they accuse you of it instead. You get angry at them in the process of trying to prove yourself that you are loyal. They might even pull out an incident when someone came and chatted with you at a party, where you were only politely engaging in a conversation. If you get angry during such a conversation, they will say that you are overreacting, and you might end up feeling guilty about it. The more this happens, the more you might start feeling like you are going crazy. Experiencing remorse in both these scenarios is a normal reaction to what you have experienced. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 7- How do I overcome a toxic relationship when I am dependent on him for everything? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] You have identified this relationship as toxic, which means that your conscious mind wants to get out of it, but your subconscious mind is telling you that you will not survive without him/her. Unless your partner is somebody with integrity, and/or you are good at setting boundaries, depending on someone for everything puts you at a very vulnerable position. We usually get hooked into toxic relationships because of unhealed trauma. Unhealed trauma also blocks the ability to earn and keep money sometimes. Thus, I would advise you to seek a healing programme, where you can start healing your childhood wounds and release any negative inner beliefs such as “I am not supported by God/higher power/universe”, or feeling that “I am not worthy of good things coming into my life” etc. Once you initiate this healing process, you will find that you are able to take control of your own life and make better decisions for yourself. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" 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radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_imageframe image_id="971|full" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="none" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" lightbox_image_id="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/PHOTO2-Henshe.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 8- I have been depressed due to many unpleasant events in the past, and my anger ends up getting directed towards my children. I feel as though I do not give them much attention, or that I make it too hard for them. Sometimes I shout and say things which I regret later. My children won’t listen to anything unless I get angry and shout at them. They spend most of their time in front of screens. I do not know how to deal with them without shouting or getting angry at them. How do I deal with my anger issues? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] It sounds like people only hear you when you get angry. Was this the case with your parents when you were a child? Regular exercise and a healthy diet is crucial to release the excess energy built up. You could also take up meditation practice; where you can just stroll through nature, or swim in the sea by yourself, so that you can be silent with your thoughts and improve your mind and body connection. Or you can also opt for a variety of guided meditations on YouTube or other apps that serve this purpose. Choose ones that you connect with. Many parents struggle with children spending too much time in front of the screens and find it hard to challenge children when they throw tantrums once screen time limits are set. This is when most parents give in, but giving in sends the message to children that whenever they throw a tantrum, their parents will give in, and they will end up getting their way. Children will test their limits/boundaries and that is normal, but it is the parent’s responsibility to set strong boundaries. Children feel safer with the guidance of their parents and they will learn to respect other people’s limits/boundaries if you are standing by the limits that you set. Once you have given an instruction to your children, do you stick to them? If not, what are you feeling when you decide to give in? Technology has become childcare. When they are on the tablet or playing online games, they are entertained and this shift in our lifestyles has caused so much disconnection with our children. As I mentioned earlier “humans are hardwired for connection” and therefore, face-to-face interactions, hugs, affection and playing together is crucial for the development of any child’s brain. Screens are here to stay, so it is important to have time limits as part of your house rules. The screen time rule also applies to you as children learn from observing the adults around them. Once you have introduced such rules, you would have to fill the rest of the time with board games or other games that you can all play together. Children can also take part in chores such as cooking or helping around the house. This way, they feel that everyone plays a role in the family and this strengthens a sense of belonging. Professor Gillian Schofield and Mary Beek in 2004, developed the Secure Base Model for caregivers. This model of caregiving provides a psychologically safe space for children. The figure below illustrates this model of caregiving. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 9- Every time my husband drinks he bullies me and says filthy words at me. I know he does it on purpose to make me angry and to deteriorate my self-esteem. How do I deal with this? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] How long has this been going on? What are the steps he is taking to address his drinking? Have you shared how it makes you feel when he uses filthy words? People who get into toxic relationships usually display characteristic behaviours that make them more susceptible. Our inner belief system is what guides us to attract certain types of partners. We develop these beliefs under the age of 3. Three key beliefs or messages get embedded in our subconscious mind, and it impacts how we view ourselves, and how we view others: “I am loveable”, “people are available to support me”, and “people are there to protect me”. As we grow up, these beliefs become quite resistant to change and additional experiences influence these beliefs further as we move into adulthood. However, if these beliefs were negative and we grew up believing that “I am not loveable”, “people are not available to support me” or that “people are not there to protect me”, we tend to choose partners that confirm these beliefs. Our innermost beliefs are not in our conscious reach, and therefore we do not always know that we have them. The questions below might help you find out why you are in this relationship (some of these questions might not apply to you). Below is a list of questions and if your answer is yes to most, it will be beneficial for you to seek help through a mentor, counsellor, life coach, or a therapist. Do you feel and think responsible for others? Do you try to please others instead of yourself? Do you put your needs last? Do you feel insecure or uncomfortable when somebody is giving you attention? Do you feel comfortable when you are the person who is giving? Do you feel empty or useless if you don't have a crisis in your life, a problem to solve, or someone to help? Do you drop all your plans to do something for someone else? Do you believe good things will never happen to you? Do you wish other people will love you? Do you have a fear of rejection? Do you feel uncomfortable when someone gives you a compliment? Do you worry about things excessively? Do you seek love and approval from others? Do you feel hopeless? Do you attract people who need help? [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 10- I live with my parents and my 3 kids and I am trying my best to make them feel comfortable by doing all the housework and everything they ask me to do. But I feel they never let me be myself at home and I don’t get the space I need. Constant interferences in what I do is making me extremely frustrated, and as a result, I think that I am being a bad daughter. I understand that is a different generation, and I cannot really change their mindset. How do I make peace with it and live a peaceful life looking after them? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] In societies like the Maldives, generations live together. From your explanation there is a mixture of culture and your parents’ style of parenting that has promoted enmeshment. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to your situation. “-I don’t get the space I need. Constant interferences in what I do is making me extremely frustrated, and as a result, I think I am being a bad daughter.” From this sentence, what I understand is that your parents have always been like this and you never felt that you met their expectations as a daughter. If you always felt that you were accepted as you are, then you would not be feeling that “I am being a bad daughter”. This is a childhood wound, “I am not enough”, and that is being triggered. Also, your privacy and boundaries are not being respected, which is why you are feeling frustrated. You need to adopt a stance of radical acceptance which I think you have already started doing – “I understand that’s that a different generation and I cannot really change their mindset”. It is important that you carve out time for yourself and get involved in activities that you can enjoy and relax from. Spend time with your friends. Also, to “make peace with it and live a peaceful life looking after them”, you would have to release these childhood wounds. Do some research on self-empowerment courses online that offer journaling and meditations, and this will help you release the trauma that is blocking your self-esteem. Alternatively, you could also work with a counsellor or a therapist. Once you feel confident enough, it would be beneficial for you to have a conversation with your parents. Ask them about the relationship they had with their parents, as we usually repeat how our parents parented us. Explore with them and ask how they felt when their parents interfered too much in their affairs. In this discussion share your feelings as they might have not known that their actions were hurting you. Sometimes my clients have asked their parents, “Do you trust how you have parented me?” Normally, their answer is yes. Then you can say, “let me use those skills that you have taught me and trust me that I am implementing what you have taught me.” However, you have to be comfortable enough to ask these questions because ultimately, you know your parents the best. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" 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center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" type="1_1" first="true" last="true"][fusion_imageframe image_id="970|full" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="none" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" lightbox_image_id="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/PHOTO-Henshe.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Have a question for Dr. Mariya? Thank you for all the responses and questions from our local and international readers! send your questions anonymously using the box below, and Dr. Mariya will answer them in the next post. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][contact-form-7 id="869" /][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] [fusion_dropcap color="" text_color="" boxed="no" boxed_radius="" class="" id=""]W[/fusion_dropcap]ith the Covid 2019 pandemic, mental health and social issues are on the rise. It is, indeed, understandable, if not inevitable for us to feel overwhelmed, anxious and even depressed at times. With each of us going through our own individual obstacles and challenges, apart from dealing with an international crisis, Dr.Mariya takes the time to answer some of your questions surrounding mental health and social crisis. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25px"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 1- How can you overcome paranoia after having trust broken several times? [/fusion_text][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] This is a very tough situation to be in. It seems like you have been in relationships that have had a similar pattern. Normally, our deep beliefs lodged in our subconscious reflect what we experience in our physical life. Finding your own belief about trust, for example if we believe that that “I am ugly” then our bodies are made in a way to attract things and situations that confirm our belief systems. These inner belief systems are not in our conscious reach. Listen to your gut feeling (feeling that something is not right in your body) when you meet someone new, don’t focus on how they look or what they say, listen to your body how does it feel. Start listening to your body and take time to get to know someone before you get involved. It takes about 6 to 8 weeks for toxic people to start showing their real self. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="20px" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 2- My partner has been physically and mentally abusive and manipulative for a number of years. He has a history of gaslighting me so often that I have reached a point of questioning my own reality. How can I stop questioning what I know is true and gain more confidence? [/fusion_text][fusion_builder_row_inner][fusion_builder_column_inner type="2_3" layout="2_3" spacing="" center_content="no" hover_type="none" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" background_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_image="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="false"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] When there is risk to your life you have to take measures that will protect yourself, by seeking Domestic Violence services in the country. It is always a good place to arrive when you have the awareness of what is happening to you, because from this point you can start working on getting out of the situation. Majority of times, gaslighting is experienced as children mostly within the home but also school. Because as children we have to rely on our parents to provide and protect and if they do not confirm our reality, we start questioning ourselves. It is very easily done when a child might say to a parent, you said “fat people are not nice” and parent might say, I never said that. The child then starts to think, “did I not hear it right when parent originally said it?”. Child then might conclude they were wrong. We lose ourselves to please our parents and later to fit in with friends and society. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column_inner][fusion_builder_column_inner type="1_3" layout="1_3" spacing="" center_content="yes" hover_type="none" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" background_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_image="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="false" last="true"][fusion_imageframe image_id="859|full" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="center" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" lightbox_image_id="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/IMAGE-03.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column_inner][/fusion_builder_row_inner][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] You can start by writing out a vision/mission statements on various aspects of your lives by getting to know true self and what you stand for: Love relationships – I have a partner that is affectionate, reliable, caring, cooks with me, have date nights etc; Friendships – I have friends that are full of integrity, they celebrate with me when I have success, they lift my mood when I am down, they are reliable etc; Adventures- I create memories by taking part in new activities like surfing, I travel once a year to a different country, I explore different art and cultural activities etc; Health and fitness – I go jogging every morning, I take a healthy cooking class to learn how to prepare balanced meals, etc, and do the same with career, spiritual life, and family life. Write them out and statements as if they have already happened and have fun with it. Get to know you! [/fusion_text][fusion_imageframe image_id="861|full" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="none" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" lightbox_image_id="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/IMAGE02.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" border_radius_bottom_left="" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 3-Due to the pandemic I have been strictly at home for the past four months and now I am struggling with severe anxiety thinking about going back outside and being around more people again. How can I lessen my anxiety about transitioning back into like as it used to be?in more confidence? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]We are all in the same boat here. Anxiety arises from fear of what might happen. Distinguishing between real fear and superficial fear is difficult if you have experienced childhood trauma. Usually if we have anxiety in one area, we have anxiety in other areas of our life, which means it is piled up unresolved emotional wounds. Anxious feelings are coming up to tell you that certain patterns in your life needs changing. Acknowledge that, by saying “thank you”. It could have stemmed from feeling that your best was never enough in your family or school. Ask yourself – Have making changes in past resulted in negative outcomes for me? Then next time when you confronted with making a change breathe into your heart and ask your heart “is this right for me?” Then sit quietly the answer might come straight away but other times it might come later. Once you have asked the question you don't have to work it out in because it will come to you and your will feel “A-ha”. These A-ha moments are transformative. There is also a wealth of resources on YouTube on guided meditations for releasing anxiety it might be good to access and choose one that you prefer.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 4- After recovering from two suicide attempts over the past year, how do I prevent from losing hope especially during such uncertain times? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]First of all, I am glad that you here to ask this question. This means that your conscious mind wants to work on this and change and see yourself through to the future. However, it is important not to focus too much on the future but focus on the healing in the present moment. Ask yourself these questions: “Author Evette Rose provides 3 key questions in relation to those who feel suicidal” What am I trying to escape from? Why do I feel the need to escape? What is missing in my life right now that is making me feel I cannot cope? Accept with love what comes up with no judgment. The way we experience love is different for each person because the way our parents showed love to us might have been unhealthy, even abusive. Saying to yourself, “I am prepared to learn and experience a love that is safe even though I don’t know what that feels and look like at this point.” Are you able to think “no” but you always say “yes”? Do you feel easier to set a boundary when you are angry? Are you a peacemaker? Just be you and those who love you for who you are will stay and accept your boundaries without judgement or rejection. These are two major areas that you can work with a therapist or with other healing modalities. There many types of healing modalities available internationally, choose a modality that will help to release traumas without reliving them again. Many are providing sessions online so this is a very good time to tap into the international service providers.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 5- I have noticed that a lot of people around me (including myself) are numbing emotions as a coping mechanism. How do you find the right balance between caring too little and caring too much? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]We numb ourselves to keep our self-safe, when we were children that are not serving us anymore. As a child you might have not been allowed to express your feelings and if you did you might have been punished. So, you learnt that having feelings are not safe. You can start introducing feelings little by little. Start with things that feel nice first for example, when you are on the beach close your eyes and focus on what you hear, how it feels on your skin, what you smell, and what you can taste. Observe the feelings that arise. Don’t analyse. Just allow your body to feel. When you have done this many times, your body will start being comfortable with feelings. Then when you a confronted with a challenging situation, remove yourself if you can, usually into a quiet place and close your eyes and bring the feeling of being on the beach. Our brains cannot hold two opposing thoughts at the same time. Once you have calmed down then you can go back in to the challenging situation and your nervous system would be calmer allowing yourself to feel the difficult emotions knowing that you can go back to the beach anytime to feel safe. Balancing caring too much and caring too little. It sounds like a conflict within you about boundaries. Again, trusting your body’s GPS system (intuition or gut feeling) will bring the focus back to yourself. Therapist Marisa Peer’s method is very simple: try taking 5 breaths just in without exhaling. How does that feel? Now 5 breaths just out and do not inhale. How does that feel? Nature has made it a balance where we take one breath in and one breath out. Our relationships are to be treated the same way caring with a balance. It is about giving and receiving. When we care too much then we are pushing the other person by invading their boundaries. If we care too little then we might be fearful of getting hurt. Explore your feelings around this. Doing some healing work around boundary setting will be useful.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" border_radius_bottom_left="" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 6- Due to a lot of unresolved trauma, I realised I have a tendency to lash out and blow things out of proportion when I think I am treated unfairly. How can I control my anger better during such situations? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] It sounds like that your main stress response is your fight response. Anger is a symptom that results from feeling helpless, powerless, of injustice, being out of control and resentment. Anger being an emotion that has a lot of energy taking up regular cardio exercise alongside something like yoga, tai chi or any other exercise that connects body and brain might help your body release the access energy. Eating nutritious food including pre and probiotics is important for gut health. Now you might what has that got to do with anger. Probiotics are beneficial bacteria found in certain foods (natural yogurt with live bacteria) and prebiotics are types of fiber (bananas, papaya, onion, garlic, potatoes, leeks) that these good bacteria feed from in the digestive system. Research shows that bacteria carries messages to our brain so with high levels of bad bacteria in our stomach increases anxiety, depression etc. Additionally, anger is usually helping us set a boundary. When we are grounded within ourselves and trust ourselves our boundaries come from a neutral and strong place. Do you find saying “no” difficult? When we are children when we say no we might have been punished or rejected. Observe yourself in everyday situations: do you say “yes” when really mean “no”? Awareness is the first point of healing. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 7- I am in the process of healing from a lot of trauma and I get triggered often reading the news or when I go on social media. I don’t expect to live in a safe bubble all my life but how do I protect myself from triggers while I heal? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Social media can be very toxic and it is advisable to limit scrolling on social media maybe one or twice a day. In psychology, a trigger is explained as something that sets off a memory (might not be a conscious memory so only bodily reactions can be felt) transporting us back to the original trauma. When a trigger is felt acknowledge it by saying “thank you for letting me know”, because something unconscious is now at a conscious level. They are coming up to be healed. Instead of sitting with the feeling without judgment, we find ourselves trying to get rid of the feeling by distracting through eating, calling a friend, spending even more time on social media etc. Next time take deep breaths and feel it to the maximum, sit with the uncomfortable feeling, sit until you feel relief. In the long term you would need to heal your trauma and it is always your choice when to heal. If you don’t heal though, it will catch up with you and take control of your life. 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radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_imageframe image_id="860|full" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="none" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" lightbox_image_id="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/IMAGE-scaled.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true" padding_left="25"][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] 8- How do I maintain a relationship with a family member or parental figure that has caused a lot of pain and hurt you? [/fusion_text][fusion_text column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""]This is a very hard thing many faces. It is important to set boundaries around how much time you spend with them for a start. Next thing is radical acceptance, that they were projecting their hurt and how they experienced love in their childhood. Accessing healing is important because parental figures show us love that was unhealthy and when we are children, we make associations that love means humiliation, neglect or even abuse, or service by doing chores etc. This association is what makes us choose unhealthy partners when we grow up. Healing these associations is where a real change can be seen and felt.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Dr. Mariya Ali provides coaching sessions and one-to-one coaching can be booked through Ka leo. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" 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animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"]https://henshe.co/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/IMG-20200726-WA0005.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type="2_3" layout="2_3" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="false" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Dr. Mariya Ali has been an Honorary Knowledge Exchange Associate of Oxford Brookes University, School of Law since 2013. She has worked in various therapeutic, research, consultancy and senior management roles in various countries in the field of children’s rights and social work. She served as Chief of Child Protection from 2016-2018 for the Charity Shaftesbury Young People where she was responsible for child welfare and safeguarding for 5 programmes run across England. She was awarded “The Global Impact Award” from the Curtin University of Technology in 2015 for her work in furthering children’s rights and Highly Commended WinTrade Award for Public Sector in 2019. She also serves as an advisory board member for the Child Redress International that helps child victims of transnational sex crimes to access civil justice. She continues to take international consultancies with UNICEF. Apart from the academics, she is a painter and loves music. She also used to manage her brother's band and organise events as well. Academic qualifications: PhD in Human Rights MA in International Child Welfare BA in Social Work [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Have a question for Dr. Mariya? send your questions anonymously using the box below, and Dr. Mariya will answer them in the next post. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" status="published" publish_date="" class="" id="" link_color="" link_hover_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" gradient_start_color="" gradient_end_color="" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" background_blend_mode="none" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" box_shadow="no" box_shadow_blur="0" box_shadow_spread="0" box_shadow_color="" box_shadow_style="" background_type="single" gradient_start_position="0" gradient_end_position="100" gradient_type="linear" radial_direction="center center" linear_angle="180" background_color="" background_image="" background_image_id="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" background_blend_mode="none" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" filter_type="regular" filter_hue="0" filter_saturation="100" filter_brightness="100" filter_contrast="100" filter_invert="0" filter_sepia="0" filter_opacity="100" filter_blur="0" filter_hue_hover="0" filter_saturation_hover="100" filter_brightness_hover="100" filter_contrast_hover="100" filter_invert_hover="0" filter_sepia_hover="0" filter_opacity_hover="100" filter_blur_hover="0" first="true" last="true"][contact-form-7 id="869" /][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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